A Glimmering Threshold

A Glimmering Threshold

by Rebecca Noelle     

In the glimmer of what might be, I am comfortable in love.  I have stopped searching for ways out and reasons to leave.  I no longer worry that what I am is not enough.  I feel the sacred beginning of everything in my bones.  

In the glimmer of what might be, you cannot scare me with judgement, anger, abandonment.  I feel your soul, I meet your spirit, but I am content within myself.  Falling, spinning, locking terror washes right through, leaving nothing in me but an open heart.

I cross the threshold of aliveness only when I am vulnerable.  In honesty, in creativity, in perseverance and in love, I live.  I see the world as wondrous, I give my precious heart away, I laugh and open and I care. 

The spirit in me wants to unfold in never ending spirals of color.  The human is not so brave.

Frozen in fear and old ways of thinking, I begin to lose the immensity of living.  My small, hard anger lashes at the ones in the world who have chosen to love me.  I keep love at a comfortable distance until I create a world without it. 

 In the threshold of aliveness, I trust that I am worth loving. 

 In the threshold of the face, I see my own life and yours.  I see the weight of being human.  I am most afraid of what lies behind words and faces-feelings, thoughts, fantasies, lies.  I fear the hidden darkness of your inner world.  I fear it is as dark as mine.  

In the threshold of imagination, you are my sweet best friend.  I do not fear your darkness or your love.  We push and pull, we play in the sun, and I never doubt the gift of your heart.  Sadness, mistrust and wasted moments won't darken our world and nothing but kindness will come between us.  

In the threshold of imagination, old injuries whiz off into the bright sun, and things I thought were set in stone become an exhalation.  Cells regenerate, beliefs open up, the world I built upon fear is a passing memory.  In the threshold of my imagination, there is nothing left to do but love.

www.RNoelle.com

Floating in the Light

Floating in the Light

by R. Noelle

Sometimes I wonder

how I made it before.

I am learning

slowly.

There was a time when life,

merely a series of lies,

patterned me with

angry stripes and

shades of blue

until I no longer knew

myself.

There was a time when I

prayed to a God

in the sky

because I was afraid of

what it meant

not to.

There was a time when my fear of

everything

and everyone

kept me hiding

and running

in solitude and darkness,

day after day.

I know it is still with me.

Enough time has passed now

for my mind to 

begin to see.

I wonder what I will see

when I'm old.

With each step I find myself

speaking and living

the truth,

as the light of perspective 

shines on everything

I was hiding.

With each day I find

a new way to see

and experience

God.

In my terror, my ecstasy,

in my blood.

With each turn I see

that as soon as

my arms, heart and mind

OPEN,

I am suddenly

connected

dancing

unveiled

expansive

floating

in the light.

I know it is always that close.

www.RNoelle.com

Bird Song

Bird Song

by R. Noelle

Eyes closed

in the sun

the world continues

and I listen.

One car and another

racing by like 

giant children

desperate to arrive 

soon.

In between,

stillness.

When the noise of machinery

pauses.

I am surrounded by

bird song.

So many calls,

so much to do.

Racing from tree to tree,

always preparing.

But to me, 

it sounds like vacation.

An airplane roars overhead

like a giant dragon.

No one cares.

Women talk 

about the plans they have

for their children.

Children hop and scream

and run away.

With a few slammed doors

and the zoom of a hurried engine,

they're gone.

Again,

I listen to the birds.

They sing into the wind.

How beautiful it is to allow

the birds' song

to still my heart.

How miraculous it is to

stop and listen

to life.

Until the moment settles within me

Or me within the moment.

www.RNoelle.com

The Little Things

The Little Things

by R. Noelle

The little things

seem like life.

They drift up into view

or fall in a thick blanket

woven so tight that

darkness is the only light.

Breath thickens,

shallows.

A non-life made of

illusions

becomes routine.

The little things

disguised as life

seem all important,

each one demanding

the energy of

fractured consciousness.

The search for joy

for pleasure

becomes God.

The ache for stillness

keeps you running.

The little things

about you

and others

that hurt and bother

and can’t be changed

sit on your shoulder

whispering, 

“I will stay here forever.”

Not knowing your worth

or your purpose,

you believe it.

The little things

you see

and feel-

the harshness of vulnerability,

the lack of compassion

make you question

the extremely personal or

hide under appearances.

Will you ever feel safe

being surrounded by

so much you can’t control?

The little things

that make up life

inside or outside,

are only our experience

of the mystery-

of seeking, longing

and of hiding.

The flitting little

tugs on awareness-

do they have to be

everything?

To fester in the little things

is the human torment.

The joys and sorrows

wish to be eternal.

Your presence falters

into scattered daydreams,

but somewhere underneath

in this moment

you hold the key 

to something 

monumental.

www.RNoelle.com

Give Me A Life

Give Me A Life

by R. Noelle

Give me a life and

I will take it and squeeze

every single moment out.

I will work until my last breath

making, building, dreaming

of my next inspiration.

I will stretch and push myself

bigger and deeper.

I will open into a giant bloom whose 

winter I will never see-

every moment spent in blossom.

Give me a mind and

I will fill it full of ideas,

until it overflows and empties

and I am left with only openness

 of thought,

until my beliefs and ideas run dry

and I can only listen

to the love that is 

seeping from my heart.

Give me a heart and

I will make it an open door

full of cracks,

heavy with years.

I will sing praises to my heart,

which allows me to grieve

and to love and

to hold life gracefully.

I will let it teach my mind

how to trust and 

how to give.

Give me a body and

I will bring it lovingly

along with me.

I will watch its changes and

marvel in its surprises

as my beautiful branches fall

into gnarled roots

and my eyes turn backward into

the mystery of my soul.

Give me a life because

I am not afraid to live it.

Give me a mind so 

I can overcome myself.

Give me a heart so

I can be touched by everything.

Give me a body so

that I am not afraid to bloom

and fade.

I am not ashamed of what 

I have been

nor afraid of what

I will be.

I am a human

following the path of my life,

every wrinkle, every pain,

every broken heart, every joy

an invitation to something

greater.

www.RNoelle.com

The Letting Go

The Letting Go

The letting go
comes in layers
of fighting, clinging
and holding tight.
There is misery in
the pressure that cracks
the shell
and anxiety in the feelings
 of change.

What we don't know
what to do with
we allow to sit
on our skin
like ice,
paralyzing us in a nightmare
and locking us
in darkness.

We hold still, waiting
for the suffering to
smooth away.
We thrash numbly,
looking for a place to
direct the storm.

Wait a night, a day,
a year.
Wait to feel different and new.
Watch and listen to
the wind, the world.
Try your best to love.

And then one day
the winter ends
and you find yourself
sprawled in the sun.
So many layers
have lifted
and the anxiety
 that became weariness
has settled into raw light.


R. Noelle

www.RNoelle.com

Into Tenderness

Writings from Santa Fe

Part II

by R. Noelle

When looking back on our history

and forward into unknown times,

I wonder why we can't seem to live

with level heads

and open arms.

I wonder how one person

can feel entitled to rule over another-

enslaving,

torturing,

murdering.

For belief,

for land,

for money.

For how many years can the earth

take our fatal footsteps?

Our huge greedy feet

smashing,

our desperate ugly hands

grasping.

How long can we cycle in chaos

before we kill each other

out of fear?

Before we destroy ourselves

with rage?

The sacred and the beautiful-

the gifts we were given

have become possessions to hoard,

while little ones disappear 

into concrete corners,

searching for an escape 

from the nightmares.

Those who are bright,

those who are lucky

make themselves at home like kings.

The slow, the shattered, the unlucky

spinning in the darkness,

waiting for death,

dreaming of freedom.

How long would we last if 

the world opened up?

If our minds were erased

and our borders lifted?

Would we turn straight to violence

and the need for control

or would we pause for a moment 

in reverence?

Would we set straight to work

claiming and dividing land

among the strong and powerful,

or would we bask in the wonder

of the home that we share?

Maybe we won't get another chance,

maybe we can't leave our past behind,

but must we always put our 

selfishness first?

Must we live so carelessly?

Must we build tiny broken lives

until we destroy everything living,

or will life 

one day

finally 

break humanity

into tenderness?

"The Scientist" by R. Noelle