Finding the Meaning of Life

"You give but little when you give of your possessions.  It is when you give of yourself that you truly give."

-Kahlil Gibran

     I've been wanting to talk about volunteerism for quite a long time now, because I've rarely found anything so life changing.  I used to send money here and there to charities that touched my heart-orphans in Africa, women in Afghanistan, people who I really felt needed the help.  They do.  People always say that even the smallest amount helps, and I believe that, but when my family and I were barely scraping by, I needed to find another way to give.  I also felt so distant from any help I might be giving, and I felt in a way that it was a cop out to doing any real work in the world.  I don't want to be the person sitting under a palm tree in California, sending out checks to third world countries.  I want to be the person who is in the middle of it, helping out.   I don't want the worth of my giving to be purely financial-I want it to also bring meaning into my life, and the lives of others.  I want to make authentic connections.  I want to help build a better life.  I want to be a part of the change.

     Very few of us have lives that allow us to go running off to build a church in Mexico or fly to Rwanda to teach about healing techniques, no matter how much we may dream.  Sometimes the real work seems to be so distant and complicated that writing a check seems like the only option.  That's how I felt before moving to San Diego, but when I got here, everything changed.  Thousands of homeless people sleep on the streets here.  Thousands of soldiers, many with serious physical and emotional injuries, are returning from deployments only to be given pink slips.  Women and children are sleeping on the streets or going in and out of shelters and motels, because they are addicted, mentally ill or simply have no support.  Animals and sea life are dying because of the trash they eat off the beaches.  Men and women are getting out of prisons into a world that seems like no one cares what happens to them.  Thousands of sick and elderly people sit in hospital rooms day after day, with no visitors except their nurses.  Public school children no longer get field trips, art classes, counselors, nurses, librarians, office staff, and many other things because of budget cuts.  I had to move smack dab in the middle of it all to realize that all around me, in my own community, there is an aching hole that can only be filled by me.

     I realized when I moved into the city, that my heart couldn't handle what my eyes were seeing unless I started helping.  I began by giving food and money to beggars, and learning which ones actually wanted food, (I was turned down more than once) and which ones were spending the money on their addictions.  The truth is that if you give a street person money, you are possibly feeding the addiction that is keeping them on the streets.  However, I have also seen people who haven't eaten for days, who benefit greatly from me buying them a burrito, or even sharing half of mine with them.  I try now to give food instead of money so that I don't have to worry about where my money is going.  I try to carry something in my car (even bottled water) for the guys on the corners, and little bags of snacks aren't hard to carry in your pocket.  It always amazes me how grateful people are for the tiniest things.  Not all of them,  but many.  And some people really do need small favors.

     I needed more than just handing out snacks on the street, so I found a shelter and residential rehab program in walking distance to my apartment, and I began volunteering there.  I go there once a week to serve lunch to the men, and just being there for a couple of hours changes my day and my week.  I quite often drag myself there in a bad mood, but I always bounce out on top of the world.  It's the easiest job in the world, it's fun because the guys are so funny and such incredible, authentic people, and I have made many lifelong friends there, in under a year.  Everyone knows my name, and they know that I'm the one who makes them the homemade cookies.  Don't think cookies make a difference?  Try asking the guy who tasted one and cried because it brought him instantly back home with his wife and kids.  Or the guy who tasted a cookie and suddenly remembered his last Christmas with his mother.  Such seemingly small things are gestures that I care about them, and they never, never miss that.  In fact, it's what they need and appreciate the most.  They know that the regular volunteers are there because we really do care, and their gratitude and love is overwhelming.  They cheer for us before lunch, and bless us during grace, and thank us to infinity for being there.  Just for being there.  Where else can you experience that?

     Another thing I started doing is volunteering in 2nd, 4th and 6th grade public school classrooms.  I teach art, but as every teacher realizes, it's so much more.  So many kids need someone who will listen to them, care about them, and encourage them.  I teach them the technicalities of art, and all about staying creative, but what I also feel a need to teach them is that they are valuable, beautiful, talented human beings who each have something different to say.  So many kids who have severe difficulties in academics or who have "attitude problems" are brilliant at art, but they're rarely getting a chance to do it anymore, so they don't think they're good at anything.  It is easy to get angry at the government and the school system about the lack of funds for education, but it is a lot more productive to just get involved directly with providing the kids with what they need.  When I realized this, I knew that although I can't help every child, at every school in the whole world, like I'd like to, I can at least teach one child at a time and help pick up the slack for the teachers.  Here's what's in it for me (besides the feeling of a completely meaningful life):  More authentic friendships-with teachers, children and parents, more inspiration and knowledge in my own artistic work, and incredible gifts from the children!

     I'm not telling you all these things because I want you to know how generous I am-I actually feel that what you do for others is a private matter.  But I also don't want to not talk about it.  The more I talk to people, the more I realize that so many people are lacking meaning in their lives, because they're not doing what they're passionate about, because they don't feel like they're making a difference, or because they're not satisfied with the quest for extrinsic satisfaction.  They realize that there is something else out there, some other way to live, but they don't know what step to take, and in what direction.    With so many causes, it's hard to know where to start, and with so many people living only for themselves, it's easy to retreat, with your blinders on.  But the real truth is that eventually you will be affected by what's going on around you.  You already are.  

     It's truly admirable to believe in causes and fight for things, but it's more important to get into the middle of it and be a positive influence.  It's undoubtedly important to send checks to poverty stricken countries, homeless shelters, animal shelters, environmental advocates, human rights advocates, local schools, and whoever you feel compelled to help, but it's also so important, both for the healing of others and for yourself, to be the one doing the work.  If you follow your own personal passions and talents and give what you can, when you can, you will be the recipient of more love than you ever knew existed.  I don't know why it took me so long to become a regular volunteer.  We all have our excuses.  What I do know is that I will never go back.  Caring for others because you want to, showing up for people who really need it, giving your own time and attention to the things that matter most to you-that is how you find out what you're capable of and what you're worth.

My husband is an avid volunteer, for many organizations.  He is the one who inspired me to act on my need to give back.  The people who have been touched by his love and generosity and the people who have been touched by mine, have him to thank.  When I saw how much he gave of his time and life to all of these people who otherwise would have been lost, and how much love and gratitude he got in return, I knew that I was missing out on something big.  Another thing he taught me is that there are infinite ways to volunteer.  You can teach, you can perform, you can hammer and dig or pick up trash-there is no limit to your options, once you open the door.  I heard recently of a non-profit that is entirely devoted to holding proper burial services for abandoned babies.  My husband runs our local chapter of a non-profit that teaches veterans how to play the guitar.  There are people who go out in the middle of the night, asking the homeless if they want to get off the streets, and offering them more.  There are shelters and beach cleaning groups and hospital music programs.  There is no end to the possibilities of what we can do with our talents to help others.

     Your community needs you, just as much as your family needs you.  Protecting yourself and your family does not come through ignoring what is wrong with the world-it comes from getting in there and fixing it.  Finding a deep sense of self worth does not come from holing up on facebook all day or ruthlessly pursuing money, power or fame.  It comes from human connection, witnessing change, and being a part of something beautiful.  Think about what you have to offer, and give it.  Share your time, your talents, your sweat and your attention with the world and you will wake up every day knowing that your life has meaning.  Let your generosity extend to yourself, your family members, your friends, and everyone you meet.  Do these things for a few months, a few years, a few decades, (without announcing it on social media) and you will find a strength and integrity within your heart that you never knew existed.  Once you witness a magnificent change, you will know the true meaning of why you're here.

"We make a living by what we get.  We make a life by what we give."

Winston Churchill 

R. Noelle

For this piece and more of my artwork, please visit www.RNoelle.com